Writing a eulogy: structure, length and delivery

Who speaks at a Swiss funeral service

At a church funeral the minister or priest leads the service and gives the address. Beforehand he or she meets the family, and the conversation also covers personal details about the person who died. In German-speaking Switzerland the service is often called an Abdankung. At a non-religious ceremony an independent celebrant takes on this role, or the family shapes the service itself.

Relatives, friends or former colleagues can also say a few personal words. This combination is common: the minister or celebrant holds the framework, and a family member shares a short memory. Only speak if you really want to. Nobody is obliged to.

If several people are speaking, agree beforehand who tells which story, who covers the life story and who closes. That way the same anecdote does not come up twice, and the service stays within its planned time.

• Minister or priest: for members of the national churches, as part of the church's services; the life story and address grow out of the conversation with the family
• Independent celebrant: for services without a church setting; the speech grows out of a detailed conversation with the family
• Relatives and friends: usually shorter personal words, alongside the minister's or celebrant's address

For an independent celebrant, Swiss providers quote fees of about CHF 900 to 1,800 per service, depending on experience, region and effort; the Trauerportal directory gives prices from CHF 875. Ask whether the preliminary meeting and travel are included. If you are not a church member or the family does not share one faith, a non-religious ceremony may suit you; see Non-religious funeral.

Life story and eulogy: two different texts

At many Swiss funerals, especially in German-speaking Switzerland, a Lebenslauf is read: a short biography of the person, often read by the minister, sometimes by a family member. The tradition is old: the Thurgau State Archives hold whole collections of funeral addresses and life stories from 1944 to 1985. The Basel churches also list the life story as a fixed point in the conversation with the minister.

The life story tells the stages of a life in order. The eulogy interprets them: it asks who this person was and what they leave behind. Often the family writes the life story, and the minister or celebrant builds the address on it. Typical contents of a life story:

• date and place of birth, parents and siblings, the family's origins
• childhood, school, training and career
• marriage or partnership, children, grandchildren, places lived
• what defined the person: hobbies, clubs, voluntary work, travel
• the last years and, if the family wishes, a brief word about the illness or the death

If the family has roots abroad, the story of migration is often one of the most important parts: when and why the person came to Switzerland, what they brought with them and what they built. Have a second family member check the finished text. Names, dates and places must be right, because guests notice mistakes immediately. If the service is held in German or French and some guests do not speak it, a short printed version in their language can help. More on the service itself in The Swiss funeral service.

How a eulogy is structured

There is no set form. A four-part structure has proved itself and is described in similar terms by guides and funeral associations:

• Opening: a brief address to the family and the guests, and a sentence on who you are and how you knew the person who died
• Life journey: not every date, but the stages that mattered to this person; if a life story is already in the programme, do not repeat it
• Memories and anecdotes: two or three concrete stories that show what the person was like; a small quirk often says more than lengthy praise
• Close: a thank you, a farewell, or a thought the guests can take with them; at a religious service, perhaps a prayer or a verse

Laughter is allowed. A fitting anecdote about a habit or a favourite saying can ease the mood of a funeral. But do not strain for punchlines. The difficult sides of a life can rest; family conflicts, inheritance questions and details of an illness do not belong in a eulogy. Use religious elements in the way that suits the person and the family.

How long a eulogy should be

Shorter is almost always better. A guide on the German Protestant portal evangelisch.de recommends ten minutes and at most a quarter of an hour, because music, the life story and prayers also need time. Other guides give five to fifteen minutes for the main address.

If you speak as a family member alongside the minister, plan considerably less and agree the length beforehand. As a rough rule, a calm delivery runs at a little over 100 words a minute. A ten-minute eulogy is therefore about 1,000 to 1,200 words, a three-minute personal tribute around 300 to 350.

Do not rely on the figure; time yourself. At a funeral people speak more slowly than in everyday life, and pauses add up.

Example phrases for the opening and the close

The first sentence is often the hardest. The following phrases are suggestions you can rewrite, shorten or replace with your own words:

• “Dear family, dear friends. I am Sarah, Walter's niece, and I would like to tell you how I knew him.”
• “We are here today because someone is missing. And because we want to thank him for what he gave us.”
• “When we think of our mother, we think of her garden, her patience and the words she always said: it will all work out.”
• “I thought for a long time about what to say today. In the end it is very simple: thank you.”
• “We let you go, but we will not forget you.”
• “Rest in peace. And thank you for everything that remains.”

A quotation or a poem can provide a good frame. Choose a text the person liked, and name the author. For Bible verses and prayers, the minister can advise you.

Be wary of general sentences such as “She was always there for everyone.” They are almost always true and yet say little. A concrete image stays with people: the bread she baked every Sunday, or the whistling on the stairs that told you he was coming long before you saw him.

Delivery: slowly, with pauses and a plan B

Write the eulogy out in full, even if you normally speak freely. In grief it is easy to lose the thread. Print it in a large font, with wide line spacing and numbered pages. Mark the places where you want to breathe or pause.

Speak slowly, more slowly than feels natural. Look for two or three familiar faces in the room to turn to. Do not expect a visible reaction; many guests look serious or lower their eyes, even when the words move them.

• Try the microphone before the service if you can
• Have a glass of water ready
• Give a copy of the eulogy to a second person or the minister, who can take over if your voice fails
• If tears come: pause, breathe and carry on; the guests will understand

Many families appreciate receiving the text of the eulogy after the service. It can be placed in the condolence book or sent to relatives who could not travel.

If you are arranging a funeral yourself

If you are looking for a minister or an independent celebrant, we put you in touch and coordinate the order of service with the music and speeches. How we work is described under Memorial service; the decisions to make are listed in Planning a memorial service, and help with choosing music in Funeral music in Switzerland.